Hate Everybody.com

Q: Hey Ashley, what are you going to dress up as for Halloween this year?

A: Why, a drunken, puking gutter slut, same as every year. Halloween never ceases to amaze me as the single best holiday for slut watching. Ashley's just a mild mannered customer service rep at the local rent-a-car agency, but give this young lady a reason to paint on her Wonder Woman outfit and drink herself into oblivion and she's a party-fucking-animal.
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	50 year old Johnny Snow-Board What in Christ's name could he possibly be asking the woman at the mall information booth?! "Excuse me miss, I seem to have lost my dignity. If someone turns it in, could you please call me?" Yes, there's nothing like being 50 and dressing like you're playing lead skin-flute in the Backstreet Boys. For the record, there isn't a ski slope within three hours of where Johnny Snow-Board is standing. Let's go over the check list… Divorced, check. Not allowed to see the kids because of his drinking problem, check. Trolling for young girls at the mall, check, and check. Just went shopping at Sports Chalet and the cute sales girl told him that outfit made him look "rad," Check Mate!!
	Alien Crop Circle Comb-Over One rule for the hairline guys; when it goes, accept it. I am giving away the award for the worst/best comb-over I have ever seen. I challenge anyone to turn in a finer example of such blatant disregard for nature. This photo doesn't even begin to show off the detail of the lacquer glaze that this gentleman used to paste his last few remaining strands of hair to his skull. So many questions come to mind. How long does it take? Does he think he's fooling anyone? Is he merely fooling himself? Is the young "companion/prostitute" next to him attracted to the swirl of sticky hair? I followed him to his secret Beverly Adjacent laboratory and discovered the awful truth. The hair glue is a hypnotizing aphrodisiac, much like ruhypnol but in a sticky gel form. He of course is immune to it, but anyone who gets close enough to the fumes is guaranteed a vigorous fondling.
	Rudolph the Coked-Out Prostitute Even if it's Christmas-fucking-eve and you're on double hits of extacy this is no way to leave the house. Let's try to read this young lady's thoughts right now… "Hi, I'm a whore and I'm very desperate for attention. Love me daddy, please love me." See her scanning the room to see how many people are looking at her? The acting/modeling thing isn't going as well as she had planned but hey, she feels famous now that she's the only dunce walking around the club in antlers and a satin push-up bra. In all fairness, she was wearing this outfit for work. She gets gang-fucked by eight burly reindeer in a live sex show at Jumbo's Clown Room every holiday season. Merry Christmas, whore.
	Bun Baking in the Golden Whore Oven I'm going to give this woman the benefit of the doubt and assume she's six months pregnant, though it looks like she has a hefty beer gut. Here's a fashion tip. I know she thinks it's a huge accomplishment that after spreading her legs 250,000 times she finally took enough jizz in her chute to get pregnant. I also know that every broad who gets knocked up is hell-bent on proving to the world that some men think pregnant women are "sexy." That's a total misconception. Husbands say that stupid "you look sexier now than you ever did" line so their hormonally-charged shrews don't pummel them into a bloody, warm paste. You don't look sexy, you look fatter and older than he's ever seen you look. Stop kidding yourself. Lesson one. Once you hit the third tri-mester, try not to hang around clubs and bars anymore. It really makes you look like a whore. Lesson two. If you must leave the house, try wearing a little less lycra/spandex. There's plenty of web sites that sell clothes for chicks who got knocked-up, and if you order over the internet, (www.gmaternity.com) no one has to look at you except that poor bastard from UPS. And you can even tell him to just leave it by the door.
	Fat, drunken, passed-out Don Ho Looks like this is the only way he'll ever get "leid." If you do happen to look like Don Ho, try not to accentuate it with a fucking string of flowers around your neck. Why not just finish the look off with a grass skirt and a god damn ukulele? Need another clue? Don't get so fucked up at the office party that you pass out and have some wise-ass punk throw your picture up on the internet, Poi-Boy!